Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
