So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
