I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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