I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
