Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
