this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
