there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
