Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
