I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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