You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
