I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
