White coat. Heels.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
