I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
