Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
