I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
