the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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