Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
