The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
