I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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