you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
