After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
smell my finger.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
