i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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