I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
