This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
