I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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