its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
