I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
