i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
