Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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