so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
