I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
