Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
