She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
