And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
