I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
