Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
