I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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