chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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