It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
