He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
