Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
