i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
