i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
