you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
