How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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