he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
