did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
