Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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