I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
