Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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