we have pet lesbian snakes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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