your thong is hanging out like whoa
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
