I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
